Say No To Self-Improvement
I received some gorgeous messages of thanks for sharing the somatic inquiry practice The Firefly’s Question from my previous post, All Roads Lead to Joy.
If you were one of them, thank you for taking the time to read, dive in and appreciate! It means A LOT.
I’ve also had some questions around how best to dig into this sort of work to create sustainable, lasting change in your lives.
The first thing I would say is: whatever you do, do not approach any journey towards change and transformation from the perspective of self-improvement (shudder!) or trying to “fix” yourself somehow.
We Are Universal by Real Fun, WowThis is a trap designed to keep you forever on the hamster wheel of self-improvement, chaining you to that false and toxic belief that there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re fundamentally broken and need some external source of authority to come and fix you.
If you want change and transformation to be lasting and sustainable, and not keep you eternally grasping for something from a place of brokenness, consider approaching this from the perspective of self- remembering, instead of self- improvement.
Otherwise put, invite yourself to become playfully curious about the outlandish notion that you are innately whole, worthy and frankly pretty magnificent; and that there’s a vast, mischievous, joyful mystery within you that’s been playing a game of hide and seek with itself, which involves forgetting this indigenous glory, and then re-membering itself through this wild, wonderful and messy thing called Life.
(This, incidentally, is the essence of the mythic heroine and hero’s journey).
And whatever you do, do not grab onto this new mindset with a furrowed brow and a "serious business" attitude - because then you’re back on that old hamster wheel, disassociated from your body and Life and the vast Mystery feeling and experiencing through you.
But - I hear you ask - if I don’t think that there’s something wrong with me and that I need to improve myself, then why do I even need to do this work?
Precisely!
You don’t.
The power to re-member yourself is within you. If you can even partially get on board with that, you’re connecting with that timeless part of you who’s been waiting patiently for you to find them. That’s when it all starts getting wonderfully trippy and life starts rhyming with itself in all sorts of juicy and awakening ways.
Moving through cycles of self re-membering also requires that you stop bullshitting yourself, which the unintegrated ego absolutely does not want to do. It would very much prefer to get back into its comfortable nest of self-denial and go back to sleep, thankyouverymuch.
Personally, this is when I’ve found it helpful to work with mentors and guides who are doing this kind of work themselves and who are able to keep me aware of my particular blind spots. Significantly, they’re not trying to make me better or more productive or whatever society decrees I need to be in order to feel “good enough”.
They’re my guides and companions - not some authority figure on a pedestal who never puts a foot wrong schooling me on how I can be perfect, just like them.
Over the last several years, I’ve found this to be particularly transformative when done in community with brave, renegade, visionary souls who are also deeply interested in re-membering and embodying their innate magnificence. The process can be intimidating at times; being part of a container and community where I know I have the space and safety to regulate my nervous system and attune to the new wonders of my soul as I (re)discover and learn to embody them has been true medicine.
So back to the question I was addressing from some of you around how to create sustainable, lasting change in your lives:
First, playfully try on for size the attitude that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you (which The Firefly’s Question invites you to do). And then once you’re situated there, however imperfectly, see if you feel called to find a mentor or a community that resonates with your unique soul signature.