The Parable of the Fisherwomen & the Flowers
I was recently reminded of the short parable of the Fisherwomen and the Flowers, as told by the great Indian mystic, Swami Vivekananda.
It goes like this:
In a remote village, the local fisherwomen had to walk through the nearby forest to get to the ocean. Here, they would await the fishermen to return with the catch, whereupon the women would put the fish into the baskets on their heads and return to the village through the forest.
As the women were making their way back to the village through the forest one day, their baskets laden with fish, lightning flashed through the skies and loud thunder shook the earth, heralding in the monsoon. The winds howled and shrieked, shaking the trees violently and the rain began to pelt down painfully, making it hard to see. As it was approaching dusk, the women were naturally afraid to continue on through the forest in these unfriendly conditions.
Soon, they came upon a little house that belonged to a florist, which also served as her flower shop. The women made their way towards the house. The florist, seeing them approaching, ran outside and ushered them inside, offering them shelter in her home for the night. The women gladly accepted. Leaving their baskets of fish outside on the covered veranda at the florist’s request, they went inside to wait out the storm. They knew the fish would stay fresh in the damp and cold air.
The florist showed them into her parlour which was filled with beautiful, fresh, fragrant flowers: lavender, jasmine, roses, and many others.
She told the fisherwomen that they could sleep in there and make their way back in the morning when it was light.
So the fisherwomen settled down for the night in the florist’s parlour, filled with the fragrance of fresh flowers.
They were restless, and it wasn’t because of the sound of rain and wind outside. Eventually, the eldest of the women said: “I can’t sleep a wink - it smells terrible in here!”
“Me neither!” chimed in the others, “The stench of these flowers is too much to bear.”
“I have an idea”, said the elder woman. She quietly got up, made her way to the veranda, fetched one of the baskets of fish and brought it inside.
“I think this will help!” she said.
And it did. The fisherwomen, accustomed to the smell of fish, slept soundly through the night.
Although this little story has many meanings, especially in terms of the evolution of consciousness, I’ve been reflecting on it in the context of the regulation of traumatised nervous systems and somatic inquiry - which cannot be bypassed if consciousness is to evolve.
The truth is, for a long time, I could relate to the fisherwomen.
For those of us impacted by severe developmental trauma in our early years, which then becomes overlaid by cultural trauma and oppression, coalescing into myriad manifestations of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), our nervous systems literally become attuned to threat and contraction (the smell of fish, in the symbolism of this story) as familiar and therefore safe.
If we’ve ever experienced physical and verbal abuse when we’ve demonstrated the shameless and expansive blooming out from our very being - the fragrance of beautiful flowers - that sensation of joy often becomes associated with threat.
Our nervous systems become attuned to what has kept us safe and ensured our survival: staying in contraction and hypervigilant to threat. There’s nothing wrong with this, with us. This is in fact an intelligent response. It’s what’s literally kept us alive and ensured our survival.
But if the physical charge of trauma stuck in our bodies is not given the space, time and loving, witnessing presence to expand and dissolve, we remain trapped in that same trauma response, our nervous systems remain attuned to constriction and threat. As a result, we are unable to fully open up to joy because it feels dangerous.
And as I wrote about in The Nervous System’s Divine Timing if the traumatised nervous system is not tended to in order to create capacity and resilience in our bodies so it can gently move towards the dangerous sensation of experiencing joy, it doesn’t matter how much we try to change our beliefs and mindsets with affirmations and whatnot, our nervous systems remain attuned to the energy of threat, creating our realities from that place, because it’s familiar and safe.
Our consciousness cannot evolve if we are not first and foremost tending to the body’s consciousness.
This is largely all related to the root or first chakra at the base of our spine (which is a big clue, because if our root, our very foundation has had to navigate abuse from a young age, if left untended to, it’s going to have an impact on the rest of us. This is also where intergenerational trauma manifests).
These root chakra issues can show up in many ways in our lives. To name a few: persistent financial and relationship challenges, self-destructive behaviour and addictions, compulsive behaviour, chronic pain + autoimmune issues, a fear of being fully seen and shining our light, excessive seeking of approval/avoiding of disapproval (fawning), disassociation from our bodies, unhealthy eating habits.
And underpinning it all, a deep sense of shame and unworthiness.
If this resonates with you, please know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
You’re not “self sabotaging”.
Rather, our systems are guiding us towards what feels safe. Because of whatever we had to endure, whatever false meanings about ourselves we were forced to take on in order to literally make it here alive, the charge of threat and constriction is what is most familiar and safe.
Safety - which feels different in every body - is a movement towards homeostasis, towards balance and connection with Self + other. And our nervous systems are designed to guide us towards safety.
If joy, expansiveness, shining our light - being present and centred in the full, gorgeous fragrance of our Being - feels unsafe to our bodies, there’s a wisdom there that needs to be met with something other than trying to “fix” ourselves.
This is where the supremacy of mind-based wellness practices - divorced from intentional somatic practices - meet a brick wall, and can actually become quite harmful. Psyche divorced from Soma is not in service of wholeness.
In my experience, purely mindset based practices work a treat for those without severe trauma issues to tend to. But for the many with actual stuck memory-charges of abuse in their bodies, not so much.
Let me unpack: We are taught that we create our own realities through our thoughts and beliefs - and this is true, to a point, depending on who/what you actually think your Self to be, but that’s a different essay ;)
But in cases of unresolved trauma, when the realities that “we’re creating” aren’t aligned with what we truly desire for ourselves, we turn this around on ourselves, into the safe and familiar feelings of unworthiness, shame, etc.
The truth is that the stuck charge of trauma in our bodies, in our nervous systems is what is creating our realities.
Why?
Because they need our pure witnessing presence and attention - without the strangleholds of “shoulds” and “should nots”, without the shaming, silencing and controlling of the mind telling them they’re wrong and bad - in order to move, expand in intensity if needs be, transmute and evolve. In order to move towards homeostasis and integration.
This is when that stuck energy can transform.
It isn’t until I intentionally embarked on the somatic experiencing and nervous system regulation journey that my roots began to truly heal, that I started to create organic resilience and capacity in my Self. Simultaneously, all of the more mind-based practices began to "take", because the soil had been tended to.
So if you’re someone who doesn’t feel safe in the presence of the divine, joyful fragrance of your Being, remember, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.
That truth is the very essence of you and it isn’t going anywhere. You are never not that, no matter how much you’ve had to endure.
Instead, it’s waiting patiently for you to stop, tend to your roots by making the space to notice in loving, judgment-free awareness, all the traumatized, contracted places in your body.